Secrets
Secrets...secrets that are begging to be told.
Secrets that you think about all the time.
Secrets that you want to tell but are to afraid to.
Secrets that gnaw and gnaw at you until you finally can't take it anymore,
And you let the the secret free by telling someone.
And it sets you free.
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139,568 Literary Works • 672,610 Reviews
Hi Sarah.
Your poem ( can't remember what catigory I'm under, pretty sure its poems. ) seems like it can be a base. You don't have much though. I think that you should add more to improve it. The first 4 lines, how they start with "secrets" yo should change that.
It sounds boaring using it over and over, and plus it is also the title.
You should change it up a bit.
~ Kat.
Hi Sarah! This is just going to be a quick review before I go to bed.
Ok, so I think that what you have here can be your base. Secrets: this subject has so many ways that you can go, so many writing paths that you could take when you describe it. I think that you need to do this, and yourself, justice with this poem.
What I'm trying to say is that every line of your poem so far can be expanded on and extended. You can add imagery, description that evokes the senses and makes the reader feel. To quote an old saying: "show, don't tell."
What I think you should do is take this poem and make it beautiful. So, for instance:
So I think that you should combine this line with the line about gnawing, and make it a whole stanza. About how the secrets beg and plead. About how they scratch at your thoughts until they bleed the words that you're forbidden to tell. Ok, I'm getting carried away here, but I do like that idea ...
Now this could be huge! I'd use this line as the last line of your poem, but pre-empt it with some aweseome stuff and it'll be so good!
I hope that you see where I'm coming from! You've chosen an awesome subject to write about, I just think that you need to make it bigger and better!
~Amy
Repetition at the beginning of the line is good, and helps the flow and pattern of a poem, but over-using it makes you sound like you can't use your creativity to express what you mean, to word things in different ways. Also, it can get just a bit...well, boring.
With the last two lines...
you're letting the use of repetition dominate your work. It should be used as an element, to add flair and expression, to show the significance of something, even. DON'T OVER-USE IT!
Even in the middle of lines, as shown in the last two, it's not a good idea. AND you let IT FREE, AND it sets YOU FREE.
I can see what you were going for, and it's nice for a piece, but shouldn't be a constant.
Sorry if any of that was rude or anything, just trying to give you some pointers. With a little work, your words can be powerful(: <3